A Dance

rsz_a1-5-740x555[1].jpgWalking talking, rushing off in excitement and me not pursuing. cross between a train station, my year nine camp accommodation sleeping quarters, the bubblers outside at my primary school. I let you go, head inside to the hall, meet people, talk to a troll for some reason that escapes me. The troll provides some bogan philosophy, I head back out, try to find you, looking through walls windows and mirrors, they’re all the same anyway, find you, your face is just as happy as before, but it has a falseness about it which I don’t know if it was there the whole time and I just didn’t notice or it is a new development. I ask what is wrong, you say “nothing” and are so sincere. You aren’t even acting, you ARE sincere, and yet I know you are false. “Alright… but just in case, I want to hug you to make sure”. She does and falls asleep;

You slept with your head on my shoulder and your arms and legs wrapped around me. As tall as me, and only a little younger, yet you were lighter than a feather, and I held you as I would hold my one year old sister.

I walked and the world moved around us in a way that didn’t match up with how my legs were telling it to move. Down the middle of a busy street, across crossings that were lacking lights and painted stripes, one second, or five, or a minute no cars, the next one hundred. I moved out of their way, understanding the danger, but not feeling it. Too calm, and you slept as if nothing at all were happening.
The scene changed to become more grassy, and you flickered in and out of existence on my shoulder. I carried you across the suburban Noork’s elbow. Street, turned to bridge, bridge over train tracks, and before I had even stepped onto the bend, you had disappeared, I forgot all about you, and the dream flowed on into the morning.
Only when my eyes open did I remember that, and realise what a strange, amazing dance we had just performed.

But you’ll never remember it.

The last message I received from you, was sent before our dance, but only received after;
Dream about cruise ships and ball pit rooms.
Usually you are there, always there in case I need you. But not today.
I don’t remember my dance involving any juggling.
It wasn’t a dance of love, sadness, joy, happiness. It wasn’t a dance of the night, it wasn’t a dance of the morning, it wasn’t a dance of light, or of the moon falling. No guns were firing no swords were drawn, it wasn’t a dance of bullets or skin torn.
No words were said, but it was no dance of silence.
In simplicity lies beauty and perfection.
It was a pure dance, no more.
I dreamt of the cruise ship, but not the ball pit.
I dreamt a dance, we danced a dance,
And you’ll never remember it.
In simplicity lies beauty and perfection.
To walk while the world runs?
It was a pure dance, no more.
And you’ll never remember it.

Alex Herlihy – 2010 (Mildly edited)

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